Overcoming Stuff Processing Disorder

 

Overcoming "Stuff Processing Disorder"

For the past two years, I've been on a decluttering mission. A mission to lighten my load, so to speak. I've been overwhelmed by too much stuff- and not even valuable stuff. Just stuff that comes in and doesn't get dealt with properly, and accumulates exponentially.

I was sharing something that was a small victory for me the other day in a decluttering group on Facebook. I threw away a catalog that came in the mail- the same day it arrived in my mailbox. It's a catalog of products that I use, and really like, but I realized I can find information about all of those products online. I don't need this catalog as a reference. I don't have a designated place to store catalogs in my home (who does?) So I tossed it. It was in that moment that I realized I am overcoming what I now refer to as "stuff processing disorder."

In the group, I joked that in the past, I would've held onto that catalog for six years. That's not much of an exaggeration. Many times, I've thought as I've come across things in my decluttering journey, "why do I still have this?"

I have a long history of dealing with stuff processing disorder. When I worked on staff at my church, I seem to remember my office being (semi) jokingly referred to as "the black hole". Stuff would go in, but it rarely made it out (at least not without much outside pressure). Come to think of it, my childhood bedroom was sort of the same way. My desk at school and my backpack were like this too. This is not a new thing for me.

You can imagine that living with this "disorder" adds to the level of chaos in my life. I'm not a hoarder- at least not to the point that I could appear on one of those reality shows. But I can easily see how I could have gotten to that point.

I've heard the expression, "big doors swing on little hinges" and I think it's important to recognize some of those "little hinges" or mental shifts it has taken for me to overcome stuff processing disorder.

I'm not a reservoir

Not every single item is meant to take up permanent residence with me and my family! Some items are meant to be used and passed on or discarded. Baby gear is a great example. With my fourth baby, we bought a swing second hand. We used it until she outgrew it and was ready for the Exersaucer, and then we passed it quickly to a relative.

Early on in my parenting journey, I thought I was wise for hanging onto everything. "Once this child outgrows it, I can use it for the next one," I'd say. Well, what happens in the mean time? Do I have space for this item until the next child is ready for it? If not, then it's time to re-evaluate. It's helpful to view our possessions as fluid- easily received and easily given again based on their usefulness to us at the time.

Items can be replaced

Our family might be complete with four children, but I know that I can get another baby swing if I need it in the future (I've been wrong about being done before- just saying). I can get one rather inexpensively too (or even free).

Most things are easily replaceable, and God has a way of providing- especially when we have open hands to give to others who need something that we have. Having extra space and order in the home is much better than hanging on to an item "just in case."

I only have so much space

This may not be something everyone deals with immediately, but for us, living in a small apartment, it came to my attention rather quickly! Children seem to acquire things at an alarming rate. With four of them in your family, that means four birthdays per year, Christmas gifts for four, Easter goodies, and every single kid-centric event ever (we all know that goody bags are a "requirement" of children's events), changing out seasonal clothing (again, twice a year times four little ones- and even more often for the baby), and you quickly realize that your walls are made of bricks- not elastic!

Too much stuff gets overwhelming

Not dealing with things promptly leads to an overwhelmed, stressed out me. Other people in my home are affected by this. One of my goals as a wife and mom is to create an atmosphere of peace. I've learned that part of my problem is spending too much time and effort on keeping things cleaned, put away, and tidy. I'm not the type of person who likes to clean (gasp!) When I learned that I need to be proactive about evaluating an item's role in our lives, I realized that I had the power to keep things from becoming overwhelming. It is so much more peaceful to maintain fewer items than it is to try to maintain many items!

Have you suffered from "stuff processing disorder"? What mental shifts have helped you overcome this issue?

Linking Up With:
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Our "Go with the Flow" Homeschool Day

 Have you ever wondered what a homeschool day in the life looks like for someone who is "structurally-challenged"? If so, you are in for a treat! (I will warn you: if you are the type of person who loves schedules and doing things by the book, this post may not be for you. It will seem terribly chaotic. I won't confidently say that it works for us, and that I'm totally nailing this homeschool thing, because I'm always striving to do better, but this is where we are right now. Or rather a few weeks ago.)

I have always resisted schedules. (It's sort of a trademark of an INFP). But even during those times when I think, "you know what? Maybe those Type A people are onto something..." there's generally some external resistance happening too. I have four children ages 8, 6, 3 and 9 months. Since the beginning of our homeschooling adventure, we've had an infant, and then a toddler, then a pregnancy, and now a new infant, and a very energetic preschooler.

I DO try to maintain some level of routine in our days. We follow one of the schedules from SimplyCharlotte Mason as much as is practical for us. I have found that it makes it easier to sort of be on "auto pilot" for our lessons and readings (the more planning and preparation and DECISIONS required of me, the less likely we are to actually accomplish any formal schooling for the day). Despite resisting schedules, we are rather creatures of habit. Our day just happens to start and end way later than most people's days. I'm working on that!

8:30-10:00 am- I'm up. I've made tea, chatted with my husband, and opened my Bible to read for a bit. I hear the baby cry, so I go in to settle her to buy myself a little more quiet time. My husband is taking the first part of his day off at work to get some errands done, so he is in and out of the house for the first part of our day.

10:30-11:30 am- Everyone else wakes up. First my 8 year old, who mills around for a bit and then asks for toast. The baby wakes up for good, and I feed her while I look at Facebook. The 3 year old wakes up to join the 8 year old who is now in the living room reading picture books. They start to squabble over something. I change the baby's diaper, and then the six year old gets up. I make toast for my 3 year old.

11:30-12:00 pm- Baby plays in the Exersaucer while I wrap up what I'm doing online. My 8 year old asks me to request some Kevin Henkes books from the library (he was on a mouse book kick there for a minute), so I handle that before I get off the computer. He starts his chores, which include sweeping the dining room floor, emptying small waste baskets, and checking the mail. (He is kind of a self-starter. Also, he knows that screen time doesn't happen until his chores are done).

12:30 pm- My husband returns home briefly before heading for work. He brought coffee. We talk in the kitchen until he has to go.

12:30-1:30 pm- The baby gets another diaper change, and I realize I haven't eaten yet! I put the baby in the Ergo and head to the kitchen to make myself something. The older kids are gathered around the tablet watching whatever the 3 year old is watching on YouTube Kids (until I shoo them away). He watches lots of toy videos (ugh), but also a variety of whatever else catches his fancy. In the past couple of weeks, I've seen Peppa Pig, Thomas and Friends, Pink Panther and some others. At some point, the 8 year old begs off of school today in favor of watching Despicable Me again (we rented it from Netflix). Um, NO.

1:30- 2:00 pm- The baby should be ready for a nap soon. I sit down in the living room with her for a feeding, and start to watch a new PBS documentary called No Mas Bebes. I am trying to see if she will get drowsy and fall asleep. The three year old begins quizzing me on how to spell the words, "um", "no", "yes", "Saturday" and "remote." The six year old comes into the room and starts to play with the baby. I fuss at the 6 year old for getting the baby worked up again, and quickly apologize for snapping at her. I send the bigger kids to play in the room while I feed and try to settle the baby. Three year old is playing on the tablet. I abandon the program eight minutes into it. The big kids were fighting. This nap time approach isn't working!

2:00- 3:00 pm- I use the restroom and put the baby back in the Ergo. Baby begins to fall asleep while I start on dishes and laundry and a new podcast episode. By three o'clock, I have put the baby in bed, and get ready for our lessons.

3:00-3:30 pm- Head to the kids' bedroom to start on school lessons. (I have deemed their room to be the most distraction-free location for lessons to take place for the time being. We live in a small apartment, so we don't have a dedicated school space, and the 3 year old is not occupied in the same way from one day to the next usually. We need to be flexible and do what works!) And I always have the three year old occupied with something in another room because being quiet is not one of his strengths! (And being loud is not one of my strengths!) We get started on Scripture memorization and Bible reading, and are interrupted by the three year old who first needs assistance in the restroom, and minutes later, requests a snack.

3:30- 4:00 pm- Attempt to transition from Bible reading to the next portion of our lessons, but end up discussing Esther the Girl Who Became Queen, and how it compares to the real story of Esther (which we haven't actually read yet- we were reading from Matthew today). The children begin flipping through the Bible, reading certain passages briefly (they are remembering many of the verses from VeggieTales). I manage to get us back on track, telling the children that they may explore the Bible more after we do our other lessons (which they ultimately do). There is a potty break, and the 3 year old requires attention again. 

I hear the baby wake up from her nap. I get her out of bed, and finish reading chapter two of The Cricket in Times Square. The 8 year old works on Khan Academy for math. I let him choose the duration, but it must be at least 10 minutes, and no more than 15 minutes. (Charlotte Mason recommends brief lessons to sustain the child's interest. It works for us!) My 6 year old works on a chapter of Life of Fred: Cats. I requested it from the library because she seemed to be having some trouble with some of the Khan Academy content. (We've tried LOF before, and it didn't sustain their interest. I LOVE the concept, but we likely won't get it again any time soon.) We end up skipping our reading from The Boy Who Invented TV (a children's book about Philo Farnsworth) because the baby woke sooner than expected.

4:00- 5:30 pm(ish)- I read Grover's Good Manners to the three year old and the baby, and nurse the baby briefly afterwards. The big kids make sandwiches while I feed the baby some solid food (she is really loving butternut squash right now). I eat something as well. I put a chicken in the slow cooker. (Mine actually runs really hot for some reason. Dinner will be ready in a few hours!) I start another load of laundry.

5:45 pm- I sit down to resume watching No Mas Bebes. (I find the story so heartbreaking. It's about some Hispanic women in 1970's Los Angeles who were sterilized without their informed consent.) This is free time for everyone. The 8 year old is having tablet time. The 6 year old usually looks on with the 8 year old, or she works on drawings, plays with her dolls or another toy. The 3 year old plays on the computer.

6:30 pm (and beyond)- The baby takes another nap later in the evening, and usually I tidy up the kitchen and do other chores with her in the Ergo while I wait for my husband to get off work. He is usually home by 10 pm, so we have a long wait! We eat dinner when he gets home. We would not be able to do this if the kids went to a traditional school, of course. (Now, I will disclose that this is not exactly intentional on my part. I would rather have everyone eat a little earlier, and be about ready for bed when he gets home, but I must admit that I like everyone to eat together too). Sometimes in the "waiting for dad" time, I let the children watch something together on TV.

Overall, our days tend to manifest as a combination of Charlotte Mason style learning and unschooling. We read lots of books, learn about a variety of subjects, but also have plenty of time to find our own rhythm and explore our own interests.

As of this writing (this day was a few weeks ago), our days do not look like this! We are taking a couple weeks off of our usual mom-facilitated learning as the baby works out some developmental stuff. (Nine month sleep regression is a real thing!) Last week, she barely napped longer than 15 minutes, so that made our school time really challenging. I decided this week, we would lean into that and give her the space to work it out. She's still not back to her usual nap routine, and a few of us have been feeling a bit sniffly, so the break is well-timed.

The older two children have been reading a book called Kid Presidents (a book about what the presidents were like as children), as well as other library books. I am working to implement a 30 minute daily individual reading time, so before screen time happens, they need to get their reading in. My 8 year old has been doing his math online this week before screen time as well. Yesterday, the two older children rediscovered their marble run. I happened to go into the room while they were taking a break from their fun, and noticed a stopwatch and paper and pencil on the floor. They had been timing how long it took for the marbles to reach the bottom, and seeing which one was faster. I don't worry much when we take breaks because I know that they are always learning! It may not look like school, but their knowledge is always growing! 

Do you homeschool? What does a day look like in your home? 

Sharing today at Simple Homeschool's Annual Day in the Life Series.

Linking Up with:
Thank Goodness It's Monday
Hip Homeschool Moms
Titus 2sdays 
A Little R&R
Whole Hearted Wednesday 

Books We Read in 2015

I began the year intending to read more. I joined the reading challenge at Modern Mrs. Darcy, so I started off with much enthusiasm and inspiration from the group Pinterest board. Twelve books seemed totally doable!

I've learned something about myself this year: perhaps I'm not quite the voracious reader I thought I was! I love books. I love reading. I think it's important as all get out. But I apparently lack focus. Call it being an INFP, call it being a mom with (now) four young children (my fourth was born late this spring!), call it being a homeschooling mom. At any rate, I fell short of my twelve book goal, but ultimately, I'm sure I read more books than I would have if I didn't participate in the challenge at all!

Here are the books that my eyeballs scanned in 2015! (I will include some of the homeschooling books we read aloud as well!)

Books I Read

Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan- A hilarious (yet extremely accurate) look at parenthood. I laughed out loud many times.

The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver (A book in a genre you don't typically read)- A story of a young woman who unintentionally adopts a little girl. They end up making a happy life for themselves in the Arizona desert.

Supernatural Childbirth by Terry Mize (A book you've been meaning to read)- Such a powerful look at what the Word of God says about pregnancy and birth. Definitely a must-read for any woman who desires to have children.

Family: The Ties that Bind...and Gag by Erma Bombeck (A book your mom loves)- My mom loved Erma Bombeck, and I actually had a copy of this book that my mom owned. A funny and reflective look at family life from the "empty nest" season. (Yet still relatable for those of us with young children at home).

Scream-Free Parenting by Hal Runkel- Definitely needed (and still could probably stand to re-read) this book about controlling our responses to our children.

Abandoned Books (AKA "good intentions").

I'm including these because I did invest a significant amount of time in these titles, and plan to get back to them at some point! 

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck (a part of the Read Great Books Challenge with Hollywood Housewife- apparently I like reading challenges!)- Tom Joad gets out of jail, and heads out on the road with his family from the Dust Bowl to greener pastures, and then...(my sister actually bought me a copy for my birthday after she heard I couldn't finish it before it was due back at the library.)

A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson- An amusing and informative look at life on the Appalachian Trail. Is it ironic that I put this down midway through and have vowed to get back to it...sometime? Ha.

The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien (a book "everyone" has read but you)- I really wanted to get sucked into this book so that I could understand the love and devotion of the fans of this series. I may pick it back up another time, but did I mention that I am notorious for falling asleep during these movies (and once in the theater!)? Someday, Bilbo.

Currently Reading

Discipline the Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot- Probably one of the most life-changing and encouraging books I've read in a while (I have abandoned this not once, but twice, but SO need this message). I love Elliot's no-nonsense style and so far the attitudes she has confronted in me have helped me so much in my day to day life.

Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt- Children and the books to read to them. Two of my favorite things to talk about!

The Well Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer- A book for grown-ups about getting the education you never had. I love this idea, and the books recommended in it. It's about training your mind, and filling in the gaps you may have from your own school years.

The Making of Home by Judith Flanders- A really interesting look at how the modern home came to be.

Children's Books

These are just some of the bigger books I've read aloud with my older children this year for school. I'm working on developing the habit of consistently reading to my two younger ones (ages 3.5 and almost 8 months). I've read many books to my younger two, but only started keeping track of them recently.

Charlotte's Web by EB White- A classic story of the redemptive friendship between a spider and a pig.

Ramona Quimby, Age 8 by Beverly Cleary- The quirky and lovable Ramona Quimby and the tales of her adventures at home and school.

The Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes- A short chapter book about a quiet, unpopular girl and how she surprises her classmates.

Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder- Life on the prairie with Pa, Ma, Mary, Laura and Baby Carrie.

The Cabin Faced West by Jean Fritz- A family moves west, as told from the perspective of a young girl. (A must-read if your family likes the Little House on the Prairie books, though it is chronologically before Laura's time).

The Children's Book of Heroes by William J. Bennett- A book of short stories and poems about the people we call heroes.

Mad About Madeline: the Complete Tales by Ludwig Bemelmans- Madeline and all of her adventures.



I'd love to hear what you've read this year! Leave a comment!

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Myers-Briggs for the Newbie

Surely, if you've been around social media at all in the past couple of years, you've heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (or MBTI for short). It was developed around 100 years ago by mother/daughter team, Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, who piggy-backed on work done by psychologist Carl Jung.

You may have seen internet memes that show what different types do in certain situations, or memes showing which character from a movie or book is what type and that sort of thing.

I'm sure everyone has seen tests going around online such as this one here, that allow you to answer a number of questions and gives you a result with four letters (like ENFP, INTJ, ISFP, ENTP, etc), and a summary of what that means.

What's My Type?

YEARS ago, my husband and I took one such test, and read the results for fun. I don't think I put too much stock into it at that time, and quickly forgot about it.

In recent years, people like Megan Tietz (now of the Sorta Awesome Podcast) and other bloggers have written enthusiastically about this personality typing system, and hearing about it piqued my interest. I took the test again, and got another result and read another assessment, and dismissed it as not being very accurate.

Well, I kept hearing about it, and really wanted to know. I took the test again, and read the assessment, and began this ridiculous process of questioning. Is this really me? Is that how I actually behave? Listen to this, dear...does this sound like me? Oh, yes, I'm definitely this! Wait...am I? No, I act more like this type, so I must be that. Yes, this one fits much better. Wait...

How I FINALLY figured out my type-

Sometimes, it's as easy as taking a test, and getting a result. For whatever reason, it wasn't as cut and dried as that for me. My results from tests would vary, and so I began reading the different type descriptions. This helped me, but also confused me a bit, too! (Not all type descriptions are created equal!)

I kept hearing about the cognitive functions (thanks, Megan!) I decided to look into it and learn more about them. It turns out, that these eight functions are WAY more revealing and in depth than the surface four letter "code" for each type. And guess what? Those four letter codes don't amount to very much! On the surface, two types may seem like they are pretty close, but when you look into the cognitive functions, you'll see that they operate very differently. They may not even share a single cognitive function!

What are the Cognitive Functions?

The cognitive functions are extraverted thinking (Te for short), introverted thinking (Ti), extraverted feeling (Fe), introverted feeling (Fi), extraverted sensing (Se), introverted sensing (Si), extraverted intuition (Ne), and introverted intuition (Ni). Whew! You can read about these functions here, and various other places online. (Try searching Google for the specific function you are interested in learning about).

Something to keep in mind as you test and try to discover your own type is to not focus on questions like, "am I a feeler, or a thinker?" Listen: everyone is a feeler. Everyone is a thinker. What is important, is what kind of feeler or thinker you are. You might be an introverted feeler, which is so different than being an extraverted feeler. Also important, is your preference for these functions, meaning, which of these functions are you more at ease with or more developed in your mind? If you can figure out which of these functions you use most, you will be well on your way to learning your actual type, and how best to use that knowledge.

How it's helped me

Once I finally figured out my type, I looked into what type my husband might be. Like me, he took the tests (reluctantly at times), and got a couple different results. Outwardly, he didn't seem to fit the descriptions of the common behavior of that particular type. Once I began reading about how his type functions cognitively, I started to understand. I was able to understand (and make peace with) something that has been a challenge in our marriage for the longest time. I realized my husband doesn't need fixing (as I long believed) but that he was wired to think and behave a certain way. And this way was just foreign to me. Not wrong.

I've learned a lot about myself, too! I learned that I'm an INFP (not INTP, as I expressed before), and finding a group (or three) on Facebook of fellow INFPs helped me to realize that some of the struggles in my life are not unique to me! I'm also not wrong and in need of fixing! (Of course, we all remain in need of spiritual growth, but that's not really what I'm talking about here).

Learning about the cognitive functions (not just mine) has helped me to realize that we all value different things. And in this valuing, we are not better, or more mature, or more spiritual, or anything than anyone else. God uses each of these eight cognitive functions (each of the 16 types primarily use four of these functions in different orders of preference) to bring glory to Him and to do the work that He would have His people accomplish in the earth. (And of course, God is not bound by cognitive functions or Myers-Briggs or anything else mankind can use to explain how He made us!)

What type are YOU?

Do you know your Myers-Briggs type? That four letter code, though not necessary to know, can be very helpful to you in your daily life. It can also help you understand better where others are coming from. If you know your type, did you have any trouble figuring it out? How has it helped you in your day-to-day life?

My Favorite MBTI Resources: 

Personality Hacker (be sure to check out their podcasts!)

Personality Junkie (they do a great job of breaking down the cognitive functions).   

16Personalities (for a good overview) 


This post has been shared at the following blogs:
Thank Goodness it's Monday at Nourishing Joy
Teaching What is Good 
A Little R & R 
I Choose Joy